I just want to strangle tv right now. I can barely stomach any shows anymore. I just feel like blaaaaaaaaaah SHUT UP about everything on. And the shows I do like, most of them aren't even new shows. Ok annywaayss....
Let's see.. my last entry, dangit I must go check and see what it was about. Ok, I know what it was now. So since then......
Last week Jeff text me me and asked me to go to another movie with him for that Sunday, I of course accepted gladly. He was busy all week so we barely talked if I remember correctly. But I didn't care as long as I had our movie to look forward to. I went to my mom's Saturday like always, regular day.. until I was going to the bathroom (lol) sitting on the toilet (..what usually happens when you're going to the bathroom.... I hope ;o/) I looked down at my legs and noticed some more of those spots (I'd post pics but honestly I'm not proud of them. But what they are is like blood red looking, it actually is blood underneath of my skin, and it just like goes the surface (of my skin) and makes these spots all over. Some of them can be very tiny and some of them can just grow and grow until they cover like your whole ankle or something. They never break the skin or anything like that.. um yeah I think that's a good description of them. They get redder and bigger over approximately a day and then begin to fade into purple and then they go away completely within about a week, you'd never know they were ever there which is good.) that I had gotten a couple of weeks prior randomly. So I was like ohh gosh here we go again! After the last time I didn't really think it would return, because it hasn't happened since I was around 14! So checked and I had more like down around my ankles and stuff. I was hesitant to tell my mom because she gets more freaked out about them than I do, and I hate stressing her. But I did tell her. So luckily that night I didn't stay til 11, because I just kind of wanted to come home.
So as the night went on they got bigger and more of them appeared. So at this point I now had probably 5x more than I had gotten a couple of weeks before. :o/ Now remember Jeff and I had plans for the next day, so that's all I'm worried about lol. But yeah they just kept growing and multiplying. Until there were A LOT of them. I tried to call him because I wasn't sure what I should do, but I didn't get a hold of him then.
The next morning I was still in the same shape, my feet (particularly my left) were swollen and I was having trouble walking, but that kind of pain tbh is so much more bearable than my deep bone pain. So on one hand the spots don't bother me. Anyway, he called that morning and I told him I thought I needed help taking Roxy out and stuff. He felt bad, but on the phone he kind of instantly went to, "Ohh you need a new doctor! They've got to be able to do something about this. Your pills suck" etc etc. And that wasn't the attitude I wanted, ya know! I want him to be loving. So I get pretty openly frustrated with him on the phone, end up half-way hanging up on him (I just like didn't say bye.. if that counts ha). He had told me he'd call to check on me and see if I needed help in a little while but I kind of didn't care at that point. Our movie plans we obviously canceled, but I would have been WAY more upset if I was feeling just fine and able to go, so it was actually a blessing that I just wanted to sleep and stay in bed.
A little while after he called, I ignored. He must have been like right by here because he like came right in afterwards. He walked in here and I could just tell he was sorry and I was too, I mean it's not like we were mad. So he laid down with me and just held me and I started crying. I guess out of frustration for multiple reasons, I'm not sure.. just a mush-up of lots of things. But that was all I had been wanting all week was just hugs from him. <333 So he rubbed my arm and just held me and made me feel all warm inside. Gahh he's so freaking amazing. So he asked to see the spots, I was super hesitant.. he's never seen them and I dunno. But out of like anyone he would be the last to judge.. actually after he pulled the blanket up to look at them he just instantly started tearing up and he examined them all closely and I could just tell felt awful. I was crying more again, I told him I was embarrassed because they were so ugly and like snapped up, "No! No they aren't! Don't ever think that. Ever. Ever. I would never think that. Actually no, don't ever be ashamed of them because no one would think they were ugly not just me!!" Aww. The thing is, is he's used to them. Oddly enough his dad has Vasculitis (which is what these spots are on me), but gets them all over his body not just mostly on his legs like me. Anyway that has always been a strange thing, because it's rare and that Jeff grew up having someone who had it around him and I grew up with it.. just a freaky coincidence (although I don't exactly believe in those.. everything happens for a reason people!) .
So he took Roxy out for me, and laid with me a little longer, talked. Actually he was telling me he lost his job (yikes) and I was sitting there staring intensely at him, the sun was shining through the blinds a little right on us, and he just looked so FREAKING GORGEOUS!!! Like I couldn't handle it, I was close to just kissing him. I realized I've never seen someone so good looking. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. He's just perfect in my eyes. So I dunno, we held each other, cried blah blah blah. Seems sad, but actually it's kind of freeing. Definitely because I actually got to speak my mind about how I felt awkward when he didn't text me back or call back sometimes (he said he feels awkward too because when he doesn't get the messages until days after I send them he doesn't know what to do). And then I told him how I just feel like he doesn't want to spend time with me because our visits are so short (even though I know he's crazy busy but still) he reassured me that he does and he loves spending time with me and it isn't depressing to him and now since he's out of work right now, we made plans to spend the whole day together (Tuesday, today now). That made me realize maybe the spots, me not being able to go to the movie, which would have been just like last week, too short and I would have been bummed afterwards, us being together just then and opening up about how I felt all was for a reason! So we could make better plans. :o)
He actually came over one more time that evening to take Rox out again and check on me. :o)
Okaaaaaay.... so that brings us up to today. This morning my dad called to check on me to see if I wanted him to take me to the doctor, but I said no, I was doing better etc. But he said he was going to come over anyway. I was glad, so I could show him my spots. It would make it all the more real for him and everything. So yeah he was like, "Ohh yeah there they are again." but being my dad at one point he was all, "Well they're kind of cute!" ahaha & "they're just in time for summer!" which I told him were my thoughts exactly ugh lol.
But really today they're purplish, no longer red and the swelling went down a lot in my feet, I can walk almost normal just a little pain if I have shoes, well I've only worn slippers & flip flops. Big improvement. Jeff called a little while ago and asked if I needed him to come over and help with anything, but I didn't. And then he told me that he might have to pick up his mom from Portland tomorrow (today basically) and asked if I wanted to go with him (around 10am) or have him come over here at like 2pm. So I told him if he goes, I'll go. :o) He's supposed to call me as soon as he knows if we actually for sure are going or not. I'm just super excited for the day, I just have wanted to spend a good amount of time together and FINALLY I will be. I'm going to make the best of it!!!
